Unwillingness of the child to go to kindergarten. What to do if the child does not want to go to kindergarten - Yulia Vasilkina. When is it time for kindergarten

With a situation where the child does not want to go to Kindergarten, many parents face. If this happens at the very beginning, you can understand - for some children, the adaptation period takes up to several weeks. But what if time passes, but your child still has no desire to go to kindergarten?

First, it is worth understanding why the child does not want to go to kindergarten. The simplest and most obvious reason is the reluctance of the baby to get used to the change of scenery, and in particular this applies to those children who are sent to kindergarten at the age of 4-5 years, when they are already thoroughly accustomed to home conditions. In addition, you need to understand that the kindergarten is built taking into account the average rate for a particular age. Individual characteristics babies are almost not taken into account. To prevent such problems from arising, experts recommend gradually transferring children to a regime close to kindergarten in about a month. So that the transition to a new routine does not become stressful for your child, you need to do it carefully, shifting everyday activities by 10-15 minutes daily.

This advice applies to nutrition as well. As practice shows, quite often a child does not want to go to kindergarten precisely because the food there seems to him tasteless and unusual. It is better to know in advance about what your baby will be fed in the kindergarten, and to introduce some dishes into his daily diet.

Most of the problems, as a rule, are caused by the "quiet hour". Again, it's best to work with this at home. It is necessary to accustom the child to the fact that after the morning games he needs to take a nap for a couple of hours. At the same time, you should not go to the same bed with him, you should also exclude all unnecessary touches - it is unlikely that the caregivers will stroke each child in the group on the back. Many experienced mothers advise to lay the baby together with a favorite toy - a teddy bear or another, which you can then take with you to the kindergarten. In an unfamiliar environment, this native object will calm the baby and help him fall asleep.

A child's admission to kindergarten is always a test for him. Leaving the cozy home environment, he first contacts the outside world, his peers and outsiders, older people. Naturally, on this basis, the first conflicts arise, for which he should also be prepared. Very often they try to do everything possible so as not to go to kindergarten when they cannot make friends there. As a rule, children find themselves in already formed groups, where everyone else knows each other well. For some time, your child, most likely, will not be accepted into common games, they will not share with him, and so on. The situation is aggravated even in cases where the child does not speak as well as the others. Your task is to help him. For example, you can find out which of the classmates he would like to make friends with, and try to bring the children closer together: give them an idea for playing together, etc. You can talk with other parents, agree to take a walk together, or go, say, to a circus. In such an environment, children will find a common language much faster.

There is one more thing worth knowing. As a rule, both educators and other children treat with extreme disapproval those students who do not have basic self-service skills: they cannot go to the potty, get dressed, or eat themselves. It is best if you teach your child to do all this - then unpleasant conflict situations with educators and ridicule from peers will be much less or not at all.

It also happens that the child does not want to go to kindergarten because of the educators. It is unlikely that the baby himself will tell you about everything that happens to him during your absence. However, it is very easy to notice something amiss. If you hear from a child that the teacher is bad, he begins to be afraid of female fairy-tale characters - most likely, these thoughts have a background. It's a difficult relationship with caregivers. You should go to the kindergarten and talk to them, find out what is wrong. In no case should you pounce on educators with accusations and threats. Show that you are willing to cooperate and help them find rapport with your child. However, if the situation does not improve in a few weeks, you should think about changing the educational institution.

And a few more tips for those who want to prepare a child for kindergarten. Firstly, you shouldn't scare the kid with the kindergarten - otherwise he will never be able to become a safe and favorite place for the child. You should not discuss the educators and everything that surrounds the baby in kindergarten with him - it is likely that he will get the impression that he is surrounded by evil, bad people. If yours every time you leave, you do not need to scold him and punish him for it - it is better to gently remind that you will return for him. But you can’t deceive the baby either: if you leave him for the whole day or even half a day, you don’t need to say that you will come very soon - so the baby will stop trusting you.

Keep calm and always talk positively about kindergarten. Let this mood be passed on to the child. Only then can he feel comfortable there.

anonymous, female, 35

My daughter is 2.5 years old, went to kindergarten since September. We got used to it gradually, first for a walk, then 2 hours, 3 hours, before lunch. Both educators could not get enough of how smooth everything was, how she herself knows how to eat, and on the potty, and get dressed and undressed for a walk. After staying for an hour, the problems began. Child as a substitute. She starts screaming that she will not go to the kindergarten halfway down the road, we go into the garden screaming, clinging to me, screaming not to leave, huddling in a corner, repeating that he will not stay when he sees the teacher hysterically throwing himself on the floor, wriggling. In general, I leave the kindergarten in a state of shock, I have not seen my child like that. He does not even agree to stay without sleep, even for an hour, even just eat with the guys, even at the word kindergarten hysterics. Before that, she complained that girls were driving her off the rug, she was pushed by Masha, the boy kicked her in the stomach. I talked to her, to calm her down, explained that they were small, that their parents had not raised them, so that she herself would be more boating, I talked to the teacher. The teacher denied all the events, she says they immediately cross this. It seemed to me that my daughter and I decided it all, agreed and discussed it. But in her continents, she says the big guys love being there alone. I noticed that she began to use this word - alone. She's also stressed at home. We have Small child, girl 3 months old. Elder is difficult, jealous. I try to say that I love often. And then I began to write at night. During the day, she goes to the potty when she wants to write, she even washes the pot after herself. At night, too, before that I woke up and made my way to the pot, we have not been peeing in bed for a long time, since 1.8 years. She stopped taking her to sleep for an hour, they pick her up at 12. But at home, she began to refuse to sleep during the day, and at night in her sleep she whines, says that she should not be left, that no one loves. At the same time, she goes to English classes in a children's club with pleasure and pleasure, there I leave her for 30 minutes, the lesson is led by a teacher in a group of children aged 2.5 to 4 years. Help me with advice on whether it is worth taking the child to kindergarten, if so, how much, what can be done to facilitate the child's adaptation, so that the child returns to normal, I already have a panic.

Hello! I come across situations like yours quite often. And always, first of all, I tell parents that up to 3 years old a child represents a dyad, i.e. a single whole with the mother and, and if there is no urgent need, with the kindergarten you need to wait. Moreover, in your case, I saw the danger of neurosis, the child cannot stand separation from you. You can go to the kids club, and your girl goes there calmly. She calmly went to the garden until she had to sleep there, and the child became worried, because she had slept before only at home. And now every time she thinks that she will be left in the garden without her mother for a long time. Moreover, the birth of a sister aggravates the anxiety: what if my mother no longer needs her? Take the child out of the garden, take him to the club, reassure her with your closeness, let her be at home with you and your sister. And a little later, after 3, again offer her kindergarten. Do not hurry. I wish you patience, wisdom and love!

To arrange a child in a kindergarten today is quite problematic. But now all the obstacles have been overcome, the medical examination has been passed, the bag with removable linen has been collected. However, it is too early to rejoice, so-called adaptation is ahead, when the child does not want to go to kindergarten. What to do if tears are flowing in a stream, and pleas to stay at home are tearing my mother's heart to pieces ...

How to persuade a child to go to kindergarten

“I’m not going to the kindergarten! Home is best!"

Of course, home is better! Only now mom should not agree with this, because her task is to be in time for work without delay. And besides, she is confident in the professionalism of the teachers, nanny, cook and even the janitor of Uncle Kolya. This means that nothing and no one threatens her baby, the day will fly by in children's joys and fun. What should I say to the child?

And you answer!

Spend a little time to thoroughly educate the novice kindergartener about how it can be good in kindergarten! Only in a different way than at home.

If the kid loves communication, emphasize that new friends and girlfriends are waiting for him in the group, with whom he will probably come up with a lot of new games.
An introvert will like your childhood memory that it was in the kindergarten that you learned to sculpt from plasticine or paint with watercolors: "Look, we carry them with us in a bag, you will have classes!"

Emphasizing the merits of kindergarten, focus on the needs of your child. At the same time, in this way you will direct his consciousness to look for "pluses" in a new place for him. In the evening, be sure to ask the child what he liked the most in the kindergarten today. And get ready to listen carefully, he will have something to tell you about!

"Will you come back for me?"

Immediately turn off the sarcasm that is usual for an adult, they say: "No, I will leave to live here, is that what you are making up?" Everything is too serious for a toddler. It doesn't matter that last night you took him home with great difficulty from the kindergarten veranda, where he had already become friends, now, at eight in the morning, he is again in a panic: the love of his life - his mother is leaving him. The conclusion is obvious: she no longer loves him, which means she will not return for him.

And you answer!

Hug your baby urgently, gently kiss on the cheeks, again and again. And then say gently but firmly: “I love you, my button. You will now eat, take a walk, sleep, eat again and take a walk, and then - oh, mom has come! Now take Tyapa and run to the group, he will guard you there! " Let's figure out what's what.

Listing specific stages of a child's life in kindergarten not only calms the child's psyche, they understand them, in contrast to the abstract “I'll come after work” or “in the evening”. When is it tonight? A two-three-year-old toddler does not yet have an understanding of time.
Why is Tyapa, or a teddy bear, or a doll brought from home so important? She certainly will not be able to protect the baby from strangers. In fact, it may even be a broken spare part from the robot, which the child, leaving the house, managed to put in his pocket! The main thing is that this is part of his familiar home environment. Talk to the caregiver so that the baby is allowed to sleep in "quiet hours" with his friend and "protector." The toy symbol of the family home inspires the little kindergartner with the feelings of security, calmness and coziness that are so necessary for him right now, and this is love.

"I'm bored, nobody plays with me!"

In fact, the problem is that disgustingly educated classmates deliberately ignore your child, and he, poor thing, is forced to be bored for days in a corner all alone. At this age, a rare kid knows how to meet himself, make friends and offer joint games. Over time, with the help of educators, the children in the group will make friends, learn to be the first to make contact, to build relationships. In the meantime, your task is to remain calm, without serious reasons not to arrange "showdowns" in kindergarten and slowly tune your baby to an independent search for a friend.

And you answer!

Ask the child: "Who do you want to play with?" Surely he already has a quiet curly-haired girl Masha or a fighting boy Petka in mind. "What would you like to play with Masha / Petya?" In space invaders - we take figurines of aliens from the house, in "mothers and daughters" - a baby doll with clothes.

A friendship is easier to start with a smile and appropriate accessories. Small children are easily "led" to bright toys, and then to bright sincere feelings in relation to a new friend half a step.
On occasion, get to know the parents of Masha or Petit, find out which playground they go to for a walk, when their child has a birthday. In today's fragmented world, especially in big cities, it is almost impossible for our children to form strong friendships without the organizational support of adults. Perhaps mom will now play the role of a fairy, thanks to whose efforts a friendship for life will arise!

HELPFUL ADVICE. In order for the child to develop self-esteem and a sense of confidence in any team, he must hear the word "thank you" in his address at least eight times during the day. Therefore, do not regret praise and thank the child even for something insignificant.

If the child is naughty and hysterical

Your baby cannot live a day without a hysterical show and on the eve of going to kindergarten regularly? Start fighting this urgently - such concerts have a bad effect on the child's psyche.

Start by making lists of what your child can and can't do, and stick to one line of behavior. If one of the parents prohibits, and the other one permits, thereby you will only convince the child that he can achieve anything by making a scandal for mom or dad. No reason other than the weekend holidays, illness or quarantine, should not be a reason for refusing crumbs from visiting a child care facility. At the same time, it is important that this rule is strictly observed by all family members.

If a child is hysterical in kindergarten or in another crowded place, in no case make a performance out of it, scaring that now "give that aunt over there", "call a policeman", "that uncle will scold you", etc. All these people are spectators that a little manipulator needs for his solo performance, and if they are not there, the performance will become uninteresting.

Important: under no circumstances should you use your need to "go to work to make money" as a persuasion. The kid is not able to understand what it is and why he cannot go there with you, not to mention the danger of bringing up a distorted sense of duty.
And, finally, in no case should a child be scolded or punished if he does not want to go to kindergarten. A backlash will follow and it will become even more difficult to persuade the child to attend preschool.

Few children go to kindergarten for the first time without tears. But if some adaptation to a preschool institution goes without a trace and literally in a week or two, the child calmly remains on daytime sleep, then for others this process is delayed for a long time, and constant crying alternates with endless illnesses. Why is the child crying in the kindergarten? What to do? Komarovsky E.O. - children's doctor, the author of popular books and TV shows about children's health - gives a detailed explanation of how to properly solve these problems without harming the child and family. Read more about this in our article.

Why does the child not want to go to kindergarten

Most children start attending kindergarten at the age of two or three. to the garden is often accompanied by crying or tantrums. Here you need to figure out why the child does not want to go to kindergarten, and help him overcome this barrier.

The most main reason a child's negative attitude towards kindergarten is associated with parting with his parents. It turns out that up to three years old the baby was inextricably linked with his mother and suddenly he was left in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by strangers. At the same time, he is also required to eat and perform a number of actions that he cannot do under stress. His familiar world, familiar from childhood, turns upside down, and tears in this case will be inevitable.

So, there are six main reasons why:

He does not want to part with his mother (overprotectiveness).
Afraid that he will not be taken out of the kindergarten.
Feels fear of the team and the new institution.
Afraid of the teacher.
He is bullied in the garden.
In the kindergarten, the baby feels lonely.

Another thing is that children, like adults, are also different and do not react in the same way to the situation. Someone quickly adapts to a new team, and someone cannot join it even after years of communication. In this situation, parents need to prepare the child for separation in advance so that tears during separation do not turn into hysterics for several hours.

What if in the kindergarten?

All causes of crying in children during the period of adaptation to kindergarten are considered quite normal. For the most part, during the first hour, children calm down. The task of parents is to help the baby learn to cope with emotions on his own and try to find out from him why the child is crying in the kindergarten.

What to do, Komarovsky explains as follows:

To minimize stress, getting used to kindergarten should be gradual. The worst option is when the mother takes the child to the kindergarten in the morning, leaves him crying for the whole day, and she herself safely goes to work. This is strongly discouraged. Competent and correct adaptation assumes that the time spent in the garden should be increased gradually: first by 2 hours, then until afternoon nap, then before dinner. Moreover, each subsequent stage should begin only after successfully overcoming the previous one. If a child does not eat breakfast in the garden, then leaving him until an afternoon nap is unwise.
Expand your social circle. It is advisable to begin acquaintance with children attending the same group, even before entering the kindergarten. So the child will have his first friends, and psychologically it will be easier for him in the garden, knowing that Masha or Vanya also go to him. Non-Sadik communication is also an excellent immunity training.
Talk to your child. Important: every day you should definitely ask your baby how his day went, what he learned today, what he ate, etc. This will allow you to quickly cope with psychological stress. Be sure to praise the baby for his first achievements. If the child is not yet talking, ask the teacher for his achievements, and simply praise the baby for them.

These simple steps are actually effective and are sure to help manage tears in kindergarten.

Is it worth taking to kindergarten if the child is crying?

From the point of view of sociology, psychology and pedagogy, kindergarten is viewed as a positive factor contributing to the full development of the child and his correct upbringing. Collective life teaches a child to communicate with peers and with adults, so that over time it will be easier for him to study at school and build relationships with management and work colleagues.

Timely preparation of the child for kindergarten begins several months before the planned event, but even in this case, problems with adaptation are possible. The easiest way to get used to the new team is children with a high degree of adaptation, for whom the change of environment does not cause much discomfort. It is more difficult for babies with a low degree of adaptation. They are often referred to as "non-Sadik child". A hundred to do for parents of such children? Should you take your child to kindergarten if he is crying?

Parents should give the answer to the last question to themselves. An important role in this is also played by how often the baby is sick. Usually in children with low adaptation, immunity decreases sharply, so they are more susceptible to various diseases... If a mother can afford to sit with her child at home, then she may well make such a decision for herself. But it should be borne in mind that, as a rule, such children find it difficult to get used not only to the kindergarten, but also to the team at school.

The theme of the garden is considered very common among psychologists. And this question is really very serious, since the subsequent attitude of the child towards school depends on it.

What should be the adaptation of a child in kindergarten? The psychologist's advice boils down to the following list of recommendations:

The optimal age for the first visit to kindergarten is from 2 to 3 years. You should get to know the new team before the well-known "three-year crisis" comes.
You cannot scold a child for crying in the kindergarten and not wanting to visit him. The baby only expresses his emotions, and by punishing, the mother only develops a sense of guilt in him.
Before visiting the kindergarten, try to come to it on an excursion, get acquainted with the group, with the children, with the teacher.
Play with your child in kindergarten. Let the dolls be educators and children in kindergarten. Show your child by example how fun and interesting it can be.
The adaptation of the child in the garden can be more successful if the child is taken away by another member of your family, for example, dad or grandmother, that is, the one to whom he is emotionally less attached.

Try to do everything possible so that the addiction goes as gently as possible for the baby and does not disturb his fragile child's psyche.

Preparing a child for kindergarten

According to Dr. Komarovsky, a change in a child's usual environment almost always causes him stress. To avoid this, it is necessary to follow simple rules that will prepare the child for life in a team.

Preparing a child for kindergarten consists of several stages:

The period of psychological adaptation. You need to start preparing for going to kindergarten about 3-4 months before the scheduled date. In a playful way, the child needs to be explained what a kindergarten is, why they go there, what he will do there. At this stage, it is important to interest the child, point out to him the benefits of visiting the garden, tell him how lucky he is that he goes to this particular institution, because many parents would like to send their children there, but chose him, because he is the best.
Preparation of immunity. Try to have a good rest in the summer, give your child more fresh fruits and vegetables, and at least a month before visiting kindergarten, it is advisable to drink a course of vitamins for children attending kindergarten. This will not save the baby from infection during the period of acute respiratory diseases, but they will proceed much easier, without complications to other organs and systems. At the very beginning of the disease, as soon as the child feels unwell, you need to take his kindergarten and start treatment, because in this case even an adapted child can start crying.
Compliance with the regime. Regardless of whether the child has already gone to kindergarten or is just about to, it is important to adhere to the same sleep and rest regime as in kindergarten. In this case, the baby, getting into new conditions for him, will feel psychologically more comfortable.
Tell your child that educators will always come to help him in kindergarten. For example, if he wants to drink, just ask the teacher about it.

And most importantly, you never need to scare a child with a kindergarten.

First day in kindergarten

This is the most difficult day in the life of mom and baby. The first day in kindergarten is an alarming and exciting moment, which often determines how easy or difficult the adaptation will be.

The following recommendations will help turn the first visit to kindergarten into a holiday:

So that the morning rise does not become an unpleasant surprise for the child, prepare him in advance for the fact that he will go to kindergarten tomorrow.
In the evening, prepare some clothes and toys that your little one might want to take with him.
It is better to go to bed on time to feel more alert in the morning.
In the morning, behave calmly, as if nothing exciting is happening. The child should not see your worries.
In the kindergarten, the child needs help to undress and bring him to the teacher. No need to sneak away as soon as the baby turns away. Mom herself must explain to the child that she is leaving for work and say that she will definitely return for him. And this is not due to the fact that the child is crying in the kindergarten. Komarovsky explains what to do by saying that it is important for a child to know that he will be taken away as soon as he has breakfast or plays.
Do not leave your baby for more than 2 hours on the first day.

What should a caregiver do if a child cries in the garden?

Much in the adaptation of children to kindergarten depends on the teacher. He should, to some extent, be a psychologist who knows firsthand the problems of children in kindergarten. During adaptation, the educator must contact the parents directly. If the baby is crying, he should try to calm the baby down. But if the child does not make contact, is stubborn and starts crying even louder, at the next meeting he should ask his mother how to influence him. Perhaps the baby has some favorite games that will distract him from tears.

It is important that the kindergarten teacher does not put pressure on the child or blackmail him. This is invalid. Threatening that your mother will not come for you, just because you did not eat the porridge, is inhumane in the first place. The teacher must become a friend to the child, and then the child will attend the kindergarten with pleasure.

The child is crying on the way to the kindergarten

A typical situation for many families is when the child starts crying already at home and continues to cry on the way to kindergarten. Not all parents can easily withstand such behavior on the street, and a showdown begins, which often ends in a grandiose hysteria.

The reasons why the child is crying, does not want to go to kindergarten and throws tantrums on the way:

The kid simply does not get enough sleep and gets out of bed already without mood. In this case, try to go to bed early.
Set aside enough time to wake up in the morning. No need to get dressed right out of bed and run to kindergarten. Let the baby lie in bed for 10-15 minutes, watch cartoons, etc.
Prepare small gifts for the children or the caregiver. You can buy small candies that the child will distribute to children after breakfast, cookies, coloring sheets, printed on a home printer. Talk about the fact that he is not just going to kindergarten, but will be a wizard in it and bring gifts to children.

What to do to prevent the child from crying in the kindergarten?

What parents can do to prevent a child from crying in kindergarten:

conduct psychological preparation of the baby 3-4 months before the start of the visit to the garden;
more often tell the kid about the benefits of the garden, for example, many kids like to hear that they have become adults;
on the first day in the kindergarten, do not leave it for more than 2 hours;
allow you to take a toy with you from home (just not too expensive);
clearly stipulate the time frame when mom will pick him up, for example, after breakfast, after lunch or after a walk;
communicate with the child and ask him about the past day every time;
do not be nervous and do not show it to the child, no matter how hard it may be for you.

Common mistakes parents make

Most often, parents make the following mistakes in adapting a child to kindergarten:

They stop adapting immediately if the child did not cry. The baby can quite well endure a one-time separation from his mother, but it is not uncommon for a child to cry on the third day in kindergarten due to the fact that he was immediately left for the whole day.
They suddenly leave without saying goodbye. This can be the most stressful for a child.
Blackmailed by the garden.
Some parents give in to manipulation if a child cries in kindergarten. What to do, Komarovsky explains that it is not worth giving in to children's whims or tantrums. If you let your baby stay at home today, he will not stop crying tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

If parents see that it is difficult for the child to adapt to kindergarten, and they do not know how to help the child, they should consult a psychologist. Consultations with parents in kindergarten will help develop a set of actions, thanks to which the baby will gradually begin to get used to life in a team. However, all this will be effective only if the parents are motivated and interested in taking their child to kindergarten and will not shy away from following the advice of a psychologist at the first opportunity.

I want to note right away: I am against visiting the garden under three years old. This is my professional point of view. Therefore, everything that we will talk about next is applicable for children over three years old. So, here are the reasons:

The house won't let go

The first option is the parents' fear for the child (he will be sick, he is too weak physically, the educators will not take care of him there as needed, and so on). The second is the negative parental experience of going to the garden in childhood. And the parent subconsciously sends this inner perception to the child. “This is a terrible place, but you have to go there,” - as if the mother broadcasts to the child. "Will not go!" - the healthy psyche of the child screams. The third is the fear of mom's authenticity. Often in the case of younger children, when the stage of Dosadov's childhood ends in the family, the mother begins to be afraid, unconsciously. All this time she was a young mother who took care of a small child, and now he is going to kindergarten, and she has fears - and whether she will be needed ("who will I be without a child").

All this can affect the child's inner decision. “I'd better stay at home, my mother will feel calmer this way,” the child feels. “Mom will not worry about me, I will not go to a scary place, if I leave home, trouble will happen” - the last fear is characteristic of overly responsible children.

The house is pushing

But how can a parent's active desire to send a child to a kindergarten prevent him from wanting to attend this kindergarten? And everything is the same. And in this case, the child is forced to cope not only with his own emotions and experiences, but also with the experiences of the parents. In fact, the parents unconsciously broadcast to the child: grow up sooner, prove to the whole world that we are good parents. When parental self-esteem is directly related to the child's achievements and success, it becomes an overwhelming task for the child. This often happens to older or single children. Younger people live easier in this sense. When such pressure arises, the child loses a sense of security from what is happening, anxiety grows, he wants to hide in his usual safe place. “What if I can't cope? Better at home I'll sit, ”he feels.

Have you ever skydived? No? Then just try to imagine. There is a difference between when you jump yourself and when you are kicked out of the plane. Just imagine this. An "innocent" push in the back can have a very serious impact on the entire development of a child. There is a simple rule: calling is possible and necessary, pushing is not allowed. First you need to deal with your own motives and not hang your feelings on the child. Sometimes just the realization that this is, “these are my cockroaches, they are, but you are not obliged to react,” saves the situation. Then the child has a choice.

It is worth having escape routes: grandmothers, nannies, girlfriends. A hopeless situation worsens the child's condition. If you plan to go to work, first adapt to the garden and then go to work. The most sociable child needs time to adapt. It is important to remember that for a child, a garden is new level relationship. This is the time when the child receives an answer to the questions: "How will I relate to the world and myself?" The kid takes patterns of behavior from adults, but learns them in communication with children. And here it is important not to forget about this significance, you need to make it clear to the child that he himself is engaged in an important matter, and we, adults, understand this. This is not "Mommy is busy, so you go to the garden" - so wrong. That's right - "while you are busy with important things, I can go to work."

The child is not ready for the garden

A story from practice. Anya, 5 years old, flatly refuses to go to her favorite pastime - dancing - in the garden. On the day when there is dancing, she does not want to go to the garden at all. I turned the whole garden almost inside out to find out the reason - and the teacher, and the teacher, and the director. Everyone went to meet, everyone wanted to help. It turned out that Anyuta did not manage to… fasten her new beautiful shoes. Pride did not allow asking for help, and the desire to shine did not allow wearing old ones. Hence the tears. Conclusion: what better baby possesses self-service skills, the easier adaptation is. Keyword here it is "convenient" - to put on, put away, button up. A poorly fastened zipper causes aggression in the caregiver. The adult is angry at the lightning, not at the child, but the kid doesn't see the difference! For him, it is "my aunt does not love me." And the teacher can understand: problems with lightning once is not a problem, but 15 times for 15 children it is a problem. One teacher told me about a haute couture scarf on a girl, which evoked the image of Isadora Duncan in her. The child runs around the playground in a fluttering long scarf, and the teacher worries that the scarf will catch on to something and strangle the baby.

Remember, a child without you is different, behaves differently than with you. Baby, ceremoniously performing in a white jumpsuit with her grandmother right hand, and with mom - to the left, in their absence with a running start dives into the first dirty puddle that comes across. Remember, luxury clothing is not for the garden. Set aside one day and observe your child in terms of his willingness to do everything himself (like in a garden). Try to make everything comfortable. It is necessary that nothing bothers him, nothing scratches. Your son may rush home, because he is uncomfortable in a new T-shirt, and he wants to take it off and put on an old, homely, soft one.

The garden is not ready for the peculiarities of the child

Problems with refusing to go to the garden can be related to the garden itself. Because the garden is not ready for your child's peculiarities. Take noise hypersensitivity, for example. There are children (and not only children, but also adults) who do not tolerate high noise levels. I know several managers whose rapid career was explained by the desire to quickly get a separate office and move from the open space.

Also, for example, there is a feature - intolerance to unauthorized touches. If an employee of the company where you work starts pushing, grabbing or biting you, you will at least be surprised. In the adult world, this is unacceptable, but in the childish world, it is commonplace. And the words of the educator “do not approach him, he is gentle with us” does not help the child to establish relationships with other children. He is ready and willing to play and push and participate in games, but in control of the process. He is not against communication, he is against the fact that touching and such actions happen suddenly and without his consent. With such a child, the teacher needs to pronounce the rules of behavior in the game: you can grab the hand, you cannot grab the braid. And the child must be ready for what will happen now.

There are children who cannot sleep in the gardens. There are adults who do not sleep in other people's houses - what kind of children did they grow up from, do you think? They need their own safe space. For them, sleep is an intimate process. Such children will willingly play, walk and so on, but they will not sleep in the garden.

Another recurring feature of some children that can cause problems with the garden is children who are constantly experiencing cognitive hunger. They need something constantly happening around them, they need a situation of active development - performances, games, and so on. And if adults do not organize it, they will organize it for themselves (see "Difficult child 1 and 2"). “We do not keep up with your child,” the educators say in such cases. These children do not fight, they just constantly involve other children in various activities that the educators do not have time to follow.

Parents of such children need to remember: this is not a problem, but a feature of the child. There is no need to remodel it to adapt the baby to the garden. We need to look for such a garden and such educators who are ready to accept and take into account these features.

Be careful with any value judgments about the child. If there are teasers and some negative nicknames or definitions of a child, everyone understands that it is bad, but positive assessments are just as dangerous (“helper, calm boy, serious girl, good organizer, and so on”).

A story from practice. Vanya, 6 years old. She flatly refuses to go to the garden. Mom leads me to the wall of fame in their house, hung with letters of honor, laden with cups. A child is a leader everywhere, successful, everyone loves him. Mom is at a loss: "Others have problems, but what are we?" Indeed, the boy has the qualities of a leader, organizes an interesting life for the group in the garden, games and the like. And everyone, including educators, is expected of him without fail. The child practically went to the kindergarten as to work. Let me remind you once again that for harmonious development, a child must try himself in areas and areas in which he is weak, and develop them. How can you try something new, in which you are not yet successful, when you are constantly asked to demonstrate success? In the case of Vanya, it turned out that Vanya fell in love and tried to do something that he had not yet done and could not know how - to write poetry. He was not allowed to write poetry in the garden - they expected him to active games, organizing, watched what he was doing, he was always in sight, and he was embarrassed. Therefore, he sat down at home, locked himself in a room, surrounded himself with Pushkin and began to write poetry. Imagine: a six-year-old boy locked himself in a room, closed the door with a cupboard, and refused to go into the garden.

And I'll tell you what advice I gave his mother: well, let the child write a verse! Children have the right to be different.