How to help a person overcome fear. How to overcome fear and get rid of phobias on your own? Tune in for the best

Fear is one of the innate emotions that every person has from time to time. It performs a positive function, being an alarm signal and helping to survive in the event of a threat. Fear mobilizes our body, preparing it for flight. But in some cases, fear manifests itself in an unhealthy, neurotic form (phobias, panic, generalized anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder) and significantly spoils a person's life.

Fear is classified as a negative emotion. It is very painful to experience states of severe anxiety, so people, as a rule, look for any ways that allow them to quickly.

Chemical addictions

As a result, they commit a lot of erroneous actions that, instead of alleviating the problem, on the contrary, exacerbate it. Such actions include alcohol consumption, uncontrolled intake of sedatives, jamming of emotions with sweets, smoking.

Of course, all these options for getting rid of the feeling of fear are a road to nowhere. They allow you to emotionally disconnect only for a short time. Therefore, a person regularly returns to the tried and tested way to feel relief. As a result, ever larger doses of "anesthetic" are required. This is how bad habits and addictions are formed.

Non-chemical dependencies

To more sophisticated and hidden ways to escape from negative experiences is immersion in some kind of activity that fills all the free time of a person. A person strives to constantly be in the company of other people, plunges headlong into work, computer games. As soon as he is left alone and cut off from his usual business for a while, an inexplicable feeling of anxiety arises. The neurotic, without understanding why, turns on the phone, starts flipping through the news feed or calling friends - just to be distracted and not to encounter the contents of the subconscious, ready to emerge out in forced silence.

Another way to cope with psychological stress is compulsions. This is a mindless obsessive repetition of the same actions, often of a ritual nature and supposedly preventing frightening events. For example, counting, knocking on wood, snapping fingers. Compulsive behavior helps to partially turn off consciousness and, in turn, phobias make you change your entire lifestyle so as not to encounter frightening objects and circumstances. But for such tactics, as a result, one has to pay with a significant decrease in the quality of life and degradation of the individual.

How to get rid of fear in a healthy way

Do not blame yourself for bad habits that have developed as a result of trying to get rid of bouts of fear. At a certain stage of development, this was the only way known and available to you how to overcome fear. But if you want to grow as a person and be a truly happy person, you need to look for other methods of how to get rid of fear.

People often wonder how to kill fear in themselves, not realizing that any, even the strongest negative emotion is their friend and assistant, signaling some kind of problem. It's just that in the case of so-called irrational fears, the danger comes not from the external environment, but from the inner world of a person.

The source of fear in this situation is an erroneous perception of reality, obsessive negative thoughts and beliefs that interfere with normal life. Sometimes people are their own worst enemy. By assimilating and maintaining negative mental attitudes in his mind, he inevitably drives himself into a network of stress. The problem is that destructive thoughts that generate anxiety are perceived by a person as an objective reality, and not as errors of perception.

Paradoxically, human thinking is for the most part an unconscious and thoughtless process. develops when a person ceases to control the imagination and the course of his thoughts. If you want to get rid of fears and phobias, you need to learn to think differently than you do now. When dysfunctional and repetitive types of fear responses can be changed to healthier ones, anxiety disorders disappear.

The role of cognitive distortions in the development of fear

Cognitive distortions (mistakes in thinking inherent in each of us) give rise to many baseless fears. For example, two people are in the same life situation - they need to propose to their girls. Of course, there is a possibility of rejection. But how such a scenario of events is perceived differently depending on the type of human thinking.

An optimist will see rejection as an invitation to work on themselves. Find out the reasons why the girl said no. Will try to change in order to achieve a positive answer, or decide that it is worth finding another person as a life partner. A pessimist perceives a probable rejection as a life catastrophe, a confirmation of his unworthiness. If he is sure that he will not be able to love anyone else, pictures of forced loneliness will loom in his mind. If, in addition to the above, a person is convinced that “loneliness is terrible,” then imagine the level of panic that will seize him at a crucial moment. Will he even dare to propose and, perhaps, find out the “terrible” truth?

How to Get Rid of Anxiety and Fear with Thought Control

Such absurd and evil thoughts about various things visit every person from time to time. Every thought, in turn, evokes an emotion. It is important to understand that those thoughts that cause intense fear are based on deep and unconscious erroneous attitudes. They cannot be taken into account when assessing the situation.

For example, a thought-fear: my partner will definitely leave me. Variants of erroneous beliefs, as a result of which fear arose:

• people cannot be trusted;
• to be thrown humiliatingly;
• I am not worthy of love.

Thought-fear: if I go to work, my husband will be angry with me. Variants of erroneous beliefs, as a result of which fear arose:

• I must devote all my time to my husband;
• if someone is angry with me, then it's my fault.

Remember that you yourself empower certain thoughts that scare you as a result. There is a huge gulf between a randomly flashed unpleasant thought “I will be left alone” and a firm, but nevertheless unfounded belief in this. You yourself take a step towards fear by giving your attention to negative thoughts. The mind is designed to seek confirmation of any thought you focus on. That is why it is so important to look at things from a positive point of view. After all, by cultivating confidence in future success in any scenario in the present, you inevitably rise up the emotional scale - to hope, enthusiasm and anticipation.

How to overcome your fear with positive thinking

Positive thinking is not burying your head in the sand, but the systematization of thoughts. Most people are very scrupulous about the quantity and quality of food they consume, understanding the importance of a healthy diet for their body. But with regard to thoughts, the same selectivity is absent.

Be careful with the media. Stop mindlessly browsing social media and the news. Most messages are structured in such a way as to grab people's attention. And the easiest way to do this is by broadcasting frightening information and savoring the details of various catastrophes and natural disasters.

Every minute there are many wonderful events in the world - healthy children are born, people find new friends, fall in love, recover, safely drive to work in their car without any incidents. But that doesn't make good news. And as a result, the world is portrayed through the media as threatening and dangerous.

Refuse to watch news that does not lead to joy, but, on the contrary, increase the level of anxiety. Saturate your brain with only pleasant food for thought. Shift your attention to watching comedies and entertainment shows, reading life-affirming novels, and hanging out with upbeat people.

Only you can determine whether a particular thought is positive or limiting for you personally. If a thought brings you pleasant emotions, then it suits you and should be included in your belief system.

For example, you want to change your profession, but you are afraid of the inevitable changes. Thoughts that may come to your mind:

• doing what you love (negative thought);
• but there are people who somehow succeed (positive thought);
• the chances of succeeding are too small - I will waste time and effort (negative thought);
• it is better to fail than not to try at all (positive thought).
• all lucky people are selfish (negative thought);
• people will envy me (negative thought);
• my friend will definitely support me (positive thought);
• if I succeed, I can help others (positive thought);
• people do not have money to pay for my services (negative thought);
• I want too much from life (negative thought);
• no one will get better if I give up on my dream (positive thought).

How to remove fear through meditation

Meditation is a useful skill that allows you to disconnect from the negative influence of the external environment, to cope with an attack of anxiety or obsessive thoughts. Just 15 minutes of practice a day can provide mental relaxation and significantly reduce stress levels.

There is nothing difficult in meditation. You just need to retire, sit back, close your eyes and start concentrating on inhaling and exhaling. At first, you will notice how the mind is bombarded with various thoughts. You can't afford to be carried away. But at the same time, do not try to suppress thoughts. Treat the thoughts that arise as passing clouds. Notice the appearance of another thought impartially and return to the breath.

When you learn to separate yourself from thoughts and the emotions that give rise to them, becoming an outside observer, you will gain control over your emotional state. The position of a dispassionate observer helps to rise above emotions and choose more life-affirming thoughts for reflection. Even when faced with stressful situations (layoff, divorce, death of a loved one), the 15-minute helps find positive thoughts and develop a healthy response to the event.

How to Remove Fear with Visualization

There is another effective way to overcome fear. Try to work with your imagination. Every day before going to bed, draw in your mind pictures of how you successfully cope with a situation that scares you.

Let's say you have, and the thought of leaving the house, even to the nearest store, scares you to death. Your task is to go to the mall only in your imagination. Imagine how one fine day, when the weather is good outside, you get dressed and leave the entrance. The sun is shining, friendly people are around, and you yourself are in a great mood. Enjoying the walk, you reach the end of the block and enter the store. Slowly and with pleasure make purchases, and then successfully return home. Gradually, a positive image will be fixed in the subconscious, and the fear of going out into the street will pass.

How to overcome your fear in an emergency

In a state of panic, a person is in an extremely excited emotional state and hardly understands what is happening around. If you have the idea of ​​how to overcome fear and stop the tantrum, then you are able to take control of your condition. Try the following steps:

1. Inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 1-2 seconds, exhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 1-2 seconds, and so on.
2. Soothing Movements: Lean forward, completely relaxing your head, neck, shoulders and arms, hanging them freely down. Breathe slowly and deeply, and then rise slowly. If you feel that you can’t calm the fear and still feel trembling in your body, try moving around: walk, swing your arms. This will help neutralize the release of the stress hormone adrenaline into the blood.
3. Washing with cold water will help to recover and put in order disturbing thoughts.
4. Start taking action. Focus on the needs of others rather than your own worries and anxious thoughts. Nothing mobilizes internal resources like love and a sense of responsibility for one's neighbor.

Preparing for the worst case scenario

Another way to overcome fear is to get used to the worst case scenario. Sometimes it seems to us that some things are simply unbearable. But on the test, our psyche is much stronger. For example, you have a fear that you will be fired from your job.

Cross the line in your mind that you are afraid to cross. Consider this scenario. What will you do after the event happens? Have to look for a new place, and there is no guarantee that you will find it quickly? Do you have to save hard? Will you become financially dependent on your spouse, will you get into debt? Imagine all the possible options that scare you, and think about what actions you will take if you fail. Having done this exercise in your thoughts, you will find that instead of fear, you feel an energy upsurge and a desire to act.

How to overcome fear by transferring experiences to the future:

How to remove fear from the subconscious

To overcome fear, you need to work with its root cause. Many of our fears seem unfounded and irrational. This happens when the psyche defends itself in order to minimize the power of negative experiences. Often, in order to justify the emotion, the unconscious comes up with a false explanation for the existing fear.

For example, a man is afraid of dogs. At a meeting with a hypnologist, it turns out that a deeply repressed sense of one's own inferiority caused the development of a phobia. The feeling of being a victim, the lack of healthy aggression and the inability to defend one's interests in relationships were transformed into a fear of animals. The logic of the unconscious is as follows: it is better to be afraid of dogs than to admit your failure.

Identify the object of fear and try to understand what it can be symbolically associated with. It is important not to deny emotions, not to drive them far into a corner, but simply to deal with the source of their occurrence. For example, acrophobes are afraid not so much of heights as of uncertainty, claustrophobes - not so much of closed spaces as of restrictions in actions. Of course, such introspection is quite a challenge. If none of the above methods of how to get rid of phobias and fears on your own helped you, it is better to turn to

What is fear for an adult, why does it arise and how can it be dangerous. Causes and types of phobias, their impact on life. How to overcome your fear.

The impact of fears and phobias on life

At the same time, fear is one of the symptoms of anxiety-depressive and panic disorders, various phobias. These nosologies are pathological reactions to causative factors and can significantly affect the quality of human life. When fears are stable, a person limits his life because of them, refuses many opportunities.

Neurotic fear, which is tied in time, to a situation or an object, takes the form of a phobia. It can constantly make a person feel symptoms of fear, or it can be expressed in the form of seizures. Regardless of this, the phobia significantly worsens the normal mode of life of a person, affects working relationships, understanding in the family.

The world of a person with fear is significantly narrowed and limited. The layman himself puts limits, forbidding himself anything. For example, the fear of going out (agoraphobia), riding in an elevator (claustrophobia), being at height (acrophobia) and other phobias significantly limit people's abilities.

Unrelated to a specific situation, fear is a constant feeling of anxiety. Man is in anticipation of imminent danger all the time. Naturally, in this situation, it’s not worth talking about the quality of life, since life is completely dominated by disturbing sensations.

The main causes of fear in adults

Causes of fear in adults can be as follows:

• organic pathology. Various kinds of injuries, infections and damage to the brain, which led to a change in its structure and visible on tomographic images, can cause the formation of a phobia in a person.
• genetic factor. Fears are, of course, hereditary. This has been repeatedly proven by researchers in the field. If characteristic neuroses of fear were observed in the family, it means that the younger generation has a tendency to develop phobias, both in childhood and in adulthood.
• Powerful stress factor. A single situation that had a significant impact on a person can provoke the formation of fear. Prolonged stress, which was accompanied by fear, can also lead to the formation of a persistent disorder.

Any motivation of the body in turn is satisfied by the cerebral cortex. Fear can block this order. It becomes the only experience of a person, completely embracing consciousness. In such cases, a stupor is described, or vice versa, a panic reaction.

The stress response itself can cause fluctuations in hormones in the blood. The release of catecholamines provokes a somatic response to stress in the form of fear. Immediately upon recall or the presence of a stress factor, the hypothalamus releases the hormone corticotropin into the blood. It promotes the activation of the adrenal glands, the release of norepinephrine and adrenaline. These hormones can constrict blood vessels, increase blood pressure, and cause tremors in the limbs.

Signs of developing fears and phobias

Physical or somatic signs of fear:

1. cardiopalmus;
2. lump in throat or dryness;
3. constant restlessness;
4. skin covered with cold sweat;
5. shiver;
6. frequent urge to urinate;
7. diarrhea.

Mental manifestations of fear are diverse and can take various forms. Depending on whether the fear is real or neurotic (no apparent cause), the symptoms are observed either in a specific situation or constantly.

In the first case, a person experiences unpleasant somatic manifestations and psychological stress, a feeling that something bad is approaching almost immediately after a collision with an influencing factor or even when remembering it. For example, the fear of public speaking manifests itself both when remembering that they are going to go on stage, and immediately before going out.

In the second case, the neurotic fear is not tied to any place or situation, but that does not make it any easier. Such people experience a constant sense of danger, live in anxiety and expect the inevitable. The famous psychiatrist Sigmund Freud called this condition "anxiety neurosis."

Fear can also manifest itself in a variety of short-term reactions. Most often, this is a panic syndrome that develops in a matter of seconds. For some time, a person accepts the irreversibility of what is happening and the inevitable fatal outcome. The loss of self-control and the feeling of helplessness are replaced by the mobilization of internal resources and an accelerated motor reaction. A person tries to protect himself from the situation that has arisen as soon as possible, if it exists.

The second variant of the short-term fear reaction is an affective stupor. This is an emotional dulling of all the possibilities of a person to move or take any action due to an emotional shake-up. This is manifested by a feeling of "cotton legs" and the inability to move.

Varieties of fears and phobias in adults

• existential fear. The fear of a person lies in his inner experiences, reflecting the world. Depending on how he perceives reality, certain fears will be formed. Existential phobias include the fear of death, the inevitability of time, and other similar phobias.
• social fear. It is associated with the reflection and reaction of society to the person himself. If he is afraid of being rejected, ruining his reputation, then he is disposed to the formation of social fear. The most striking examples of social phobias include stage fright, ereutophobia, scoptophobia.
• biological fear. This type is based on the fear of physical injury or threat to human life. This includes all categories of fear of illness (hypochondriac phobias), those phobias that involve pain, suffering or somatic damage. Examples of this group are cardiophobia and carcinophobia.

Some of the most common phobias that develop in adulthood should be considered in more detail:

1. Fear of open spaces (agoraphobia). This is a fairly common phobia, the principle of which lies in the pathological fear of open spaces and places where there is a large crowd of people. This is a kind of protective mechanism that allows the patient to isolate himself from the possible negative consequences of contact with the public. Manifestations in the case of staying in an open space are most often limited to a panic attack.
2. Fear of closed spaces (claustrophobia). This is the opposite of the previous phobia. A person feels discomfort and even the inability to breathe in a closed room, and other somatic manifestations of fear are shown. Most often, symptoms are found in small rooms, booths, fitting rooms, elevators. A person experiences significant relief just by opening the door. Fear includes the very prospect of being locked up alone.
3. Fear of death (thanatophobia). It can concern both the person himself and his friends and relatives. It often develops in mothers whose children are seriously ill or have been ill. It manifests itself in an obsessive and uncontrollable fear of dying suddenly, even if there is no reason for it. May be associated with religious beliefs or simply fear of the unknown, which is uncontrollable.
4. Fear of speaking in public (glossophobia). This disorder is quite common among the adult population. In most cases, due to low self-esteem, fear of being misunderstood by the audience and strict upbringing. This reduces self-confidence, and a person is panicky afraid to speak to the public.
5. Fear of blushing in front of people (erythrophobia). This is the fear of red spots on the face due to a stressful situation. At its core, this is a vicious circle for a person who is shy and embarrassed in public. He is afraid to blush because he is afraid to be in front of an audience, because he is afraid to blush.
6. Fear of being alone (autophobia). It manifests itself in the pathological fear of a person to be left alone with himself. Fear is associated with fear of the possibility of committing suicide. It should be said that statistics show a negative trend in suicides among autophobes. Manifested by anxiety, sweating and panic attacks if a person is left alone in a room.
7. Fear of heart disease (cardiophobia). This is a pathological condition that involves somatic manifestations without the presence of the disease itself. A person complains of discomfort in the region of the heart, a strong heartbeat, and nausea. Often these symptoms can interfere with what he is doing, and are perceived by doctors as heart disease, but after the necessary examinations, it is not detected.
8. Fear of getting cancer (carcinophobia). This is a panic fear of getting sick with malignant oncological nosologies. By its nature, it is closely related to the fear of death and develops as a result of a stressful situation. It can be a disease of someone from relatives, acquaintances, or simply seen manifestations of cancer on strangers. The presence of a hypochondriacal personality and the presence of a couple of indirect symptoms can play a huge role.
9. Fear of being hurt (algophobia). Underlying for many other types of phobias, including visits to the doctor and even medical procedures. A person, under any pretext, tries to avoid the slightest manifestations of physical pain, sometimes abusing painkillers. Manifested by anxiety and fears about the upcoming test of pain.

Important! The feeling of fear binds a person and can lead to fatal consequences, both for oneself and for others.

How to overcome fears in an adult

Fears are often included in the structure of schizophrenia, anxiety and neurotic disorders, panic attacks, hypochondria, and depression. Often it is observed in bronchial asthma, cardiovascular diseases, accompanied by angina pectoris. A correct diagnosis will dictate treatment tactics. That is why only a doctor is competent in the question of how to treat fears in adults.

Every person who is afraid of something needs to realize that fear is far from forever. There are many techniques and methods of psychotherapy that can help with this problem. An obstacle to recovery is a human reaction - shame for their phobias. Usually in society it is not customary to talk about their fears, recognition of inferiority and vulnerability touches a person to the quick. But by boldly facing your phobias and taking the necessary measures, you can get rid of them once and for all.

One of the most common methods to cure fears in adults is humility. No one forces a person to fight their phobias or deny them, to convince them of their insignificance - it's useless. Therefore, psychologists recommend not to be ashamed of your feelings and at the same time do what is necessary, even if it's scary. A person who realizes that he is afraid (after all, such is his nature), but still has to do something, will easily overcome this barrier in time.

For example, the fear of public speaking often terrifies those who are about to take the stage. A person who has confidently decided to get rid of his phobia must come out with his fear. Being afraid and performing at the same time is the real solution for this case.

Also, visualization of the achieved result can give a good effect in treating fears in adults. If a phobia prevents you from achieving high career growth or family well-being, you should imagine life without it, what would it be like not to be afraid. Then it will be much easier to overcome your fears, because knowing what you are fighting for makes it easier to fight.

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Fear is a necessary protective function of the body. But sometimes the fear of something really interferes with a person. Especially when it comes to any phobias. Not every one of our fears is justified, and often we have to experience it not because of real danger, but because of our negative thoughts and expectations. How to overcome fear? How to learn to distinguish real danger from imaginary one? In this article, we will look at an effective technique for dealing with fear caused by false expectations.

The described method of dealing with fear was developed by Viktor Frankl, an outstanding Austrian psychiatrist, psychologist and neurologist. Frankl called his method method of paradoxical intentions.

Paradoxical Intention- a method of dealing with fear, the essence of which is that a person suffering from fear of waiting, imagined a situation that he fears and tries to avoid.

I am sure you are familiar with the situation when you try your best to avoid something, but despite your efforts, the opposite happens - the fear of waiting creates an undesirable situation.

Viktor Frankl suggests doing the opposite: imagine a situation that you fear and would like to avoid. But for real benefit, such a representation should occur according to the following rules:

1. Humor
   When presenting an undesirable situation, you must use your sense of humor. We must strive to make the situation not scary, but funny.

Here is what Frankl writes about humor: “Humor is an excellent means of distancing a person from something. It can be said that humor helps a person to rise above his troubles, allowing him to perceive himself in a more detached way.

1. artificial challenge

You need to try not just to imagine a frightening situation, but to try to bring it to life!
Just do not overdo it, do not intentionally harm yourself or others.

If you are afraid to spill coffee on yourself, then you should not pour it on yourself, but try to do it by chance. Of course, you won't be able to. But it could happen if all your thoughts were occupied with how not to spill this coffee!

Viktor Frankl writes: “In order to better understand what happens when using this technique, we will take as a starting point the fear of waiting, a phenomenon known to every experienced psychiatrist. Doctors know that such fear leads to exactly what the patient is afraid of. For example, an erythrophobic individual who is afraid of blushing actually blushes at the very moment when he enters a room and appears before a group of people.
In the histories of this disease, fear of some pathological phenomenon is very often found, and this fear, ironically, hastens the onset of this phenomenon. This happens as a result of increased self-control.

As well as: “We see that excessive attention is a significant pathogenic factor influencing the etiology of neuroses, in addition, in many neurotic patients, excessive intention can play a similar role. According to logotherapy[ - one of the types of existential psychotherapy developed by Viktor Frankl - approx. ed.] , the cause of many sexual neuroses is a forced intention to achieve the goal of sexual intercourse - in a man this is expressed in the desire to demonstrate his sexual potency, and in a woman - in the desire to show her ability to experience an orgasm. The author discusses this topic in detail in his works, noting that the patient, as a rule, strives to achieve pleasure as such (it can be said that he is guided by the "pleasure principle" literally). However, pleasure is one of those states that cannot be reached directly - they can only be reached “along the way” or as a side experience. Therefore, the more someone strives for pleasure, the less he achieves it. We can trace an interesting parallel: the fear of expectation, which causes exactly what the patient is afraid of, as well as the excessive intention that prompts him to act directly, do not allow the person to achieve what he aspires to. It is on this dual fact that logotherapy bases the technique known as paradoxical intention. For example, a patient who suffers from a phobia and fears that something will happen to him, the logotherapist induces for a moment to wish the realization of what he is so afraid of.

In order to make the algorithm of paradoxical intentions clearer, I will give a few examples described by Frankl:

“A young doctor came to our clinic about severe hydrophobia. He is within
for a long time suffered from disorders of the nervous system. One day he met in the street
his boss and, extending his hand in greeting, found that he was sweating more
ordinary. Another time, in a similar situation, he already expected to break a sweat.
again, and this fear of expectation hastened the excessive perspiration. A vicious circle ensued:
hyperhidrosis caused hydrophobia, and hydrophobia, in turn, caused hyperhidrosis. We
advised this patient, in a situation causing an anxiety attack of anticipation, to try
purposely to demonstrate to the people he meets how much he can sweat. Through
a week later he returned to tell how, during each meeting with those who called him
fear of waiting, he said to himself: “A liter of water has just come out of me with sweat, and now
at least ten liters will pour out of me!” What was the result of this paradoxical decision? He suffered from this phobia for four years, and was able to get rid of it in one session.
thanks to this method!

“One day I received a letter from a young student who used to visit my
clinical lectures on logotherapy. She reminded me how I demonstrated the method
paradoxical intention, and continued: “I tried to apply your method to myself. I
also constantly suffered from the fear that in the autopsy classes at the Anatomical Institute,
when the anatomy teacher enters the room, I will begin to tremble. Soon this
fear really began to cause a tremor. But, remembering what you told us at the lecture about
how to act in such a situation, I, as soon as the teacher entered the room where
autopsies were performed, she said to herself: “Oh, here is the teacher! Now I'll show him what it is
good shiver, I'll show him how to shiver!" But when I deliberately tried to portray
Shiver, I couldn't do it!"

“Unconsciously and unintentionally, paradoxical intention is used everywhere. One is mine
an American student, while answering an exam question on this topic, told
the following case from his life: “My stomach in the presence of other people began to rumble.
The more I tried not to, the louder he growled. Soon it began to seem to me that
will continue for the rest of your life. I resigned myself and, along with others, began to laugh at
this. It soon passed."

“I once encountered the most severe case of stuttering in my life: it was a man who stuttered all his life except for one episode. It happened when he was twelve years old, during a trip as a "hare" on transport. He was caught by the conductor, and to avoid trouble, he decided to arouse the conductor's pity by posing as a "poor, stuttering boy." But when he tried to stutter, he found he couldn't do it! Without knowing it, he used the method of paradoxical intention, although not for therapeutic purposes.

The paradoxical intentions method can also help those who suffer from sleep problems: “… the anamnesis of patients suffering from insomnia often contains reports that, going to bed, they begin to think intensely about their insomnia, and this does not allow them to fall asleep. As a result, this very attention disrupts the normal process of falling asleep.” I think many of us spent sleepless nights before the big day, thinking about how we need to sleep. Stop thinking that you need to sleep. Think about something detached and light, falling asleep will happen by itself.

I hope that this article has helped you and the fear of waiting in your life will become less.

Is fear keeping you alive? Does something scare you? What are you afraid of? Often we are afraid of the dangers that can await us every day at every turn. We are afraid to appear ridiculous when speaking in public, to meet an unpleasant insect, to get sick or to harm our health. In fact, these fears can be overcome. It doesn't matter what exactly you are afraid of and why you are worried: in this article you will find 20 universal tips on how to deal with fears, as well as find out what causes them and what prevents us from overcoming them. More on this in an article by CogniFit psychologist Ainoa Arrans.

What is fear?

Why does fear arise? Why is it needed? Fear is the primary emotion that warns us of impending danger. He fills us so that we do not miss the approaching threat. Fear paralyzes us in a frightening situation. Have you ever experienced this feeling? Have you ever experienced a panic that made you run away without thinking about the consequences? This is an absolutely logical reaction in such an emotional state.

It is necessary to distinguish between fear and symptoms of anxiety. Fear appears in a very specific situation, for example, when a stranger is following you down an empty street, who, as you think, is following you. Anxiety, on the contrary, is a fairly general, non-specific emotion that occurs in less specific situations. For example, the anxiety we feel when thinking about our future career or when someone criticizes us.

Fear is an adaptive response to physical or psychological threats. However, it does not always occur in the face of real danger. Sometimes it can be caused by cognitive distortions. The level of intensity of fear can vary from its virtually complete absence to absolute panic. In fact, this emotion can become a real nightmare.

When does fear become a phobia?

If the fear of something becomes too great, excessive, it turns into a phobia. A phobia is a psychological disorder, while fear is a normal healthy emotion.

There are different types of phobias: fear of heights, fear of clowns or coulrophobia, fear of growing old, fear of death, etc. Regardless of the reasons that cause such a reaction, all these phobias significantly reduce the quality of life of the people suffering from them, negatively affecting all areas of daily activity. Can you imagine that there are people who are so afraid to go out that they are forced to spend all their time at home, locked up?

However, it is not necessary for fear to reach the size of a phobia in order to poison a person's life. One way or another, these psychological disorders can prevent us from performing even the most familiar daily duties. In this article, you will find recommendations on how to get rid of fear, regardless of its degree and the reason that provokes this feeling.

Why are we afraid?

Fear is a completely habitual reaction that accompanies us throughout our lives. It makes you act quickly and defend yourself against any danger. It helps to increase our physiological activity, encouraging us to fight or run away. Fear is essential for survival.

There are two main theories about how fear is born. The first, classical one, states that if we associate certain elements (snakes, height, etc.) with situations that are harmful and dangerous for us (injuries, anxiety, etc.), we associate these stimuli with each other and thus acquire conditioned reflex of fear.

On the other hand, according to Albert Bandura's social learning theory, we learn by gaining vicarious experience. In other words, by observing other people who are models for us (neighbour, actor, etc.), we learn their behavior and imitate them. If you once witnessed your little brother being stung by a wasp and you noticed his panic, perhaps every time you see a wasp you will run away in fear. According to this theory, we ourselves decide whether we want to apply a certain type of behavior or not, although this is not easy.

Fear can also lead to positive emotions. We like to experience tremors, heart palpitations, feel tense and frozen in immobility when we are watching a horror movie, comfortably sitting on the couch, or when we are riding a roller coaster. We even look for these sensations when we are sure that we are safe.

It is necessary to learn to manage this emotion from childhood. However, fear of something can begin to be experienced at any age. Moreover, some people are more likely to experience this emotion than others. Our experience also greatly influences how we react to real events. Regardless of what we fear, it is important to remember that it is never too late to conquer fear.

20 Ways to Conquer Fear

In this section, we will give 20 tips and tricks that you can apply on a daily basis. The most important thing is that you must understand that fear sits inside you, no one and nothing forces you to experience it. It may be problematic to think this way on the eve of, for example, a responsible exam, but you must remember that you and only you are responsible for your personal growth. You can overcome this fear with the help of planning, with a little effort and willpower.

1. Don't try to deny your fears.

As we pointed out earlier, fear is a gift that helps us survive. We can also see it in animals in dangerous situations. Fortunately, our body warns us of an approaching threat. Can you imagine what will happen if you don't hide when you see a tiger in the room? Learning to coexist with this emotion is vital. Whatever unpleasant moments we have to endure, we should be grateful for fear.

2. Get to know yourself better

Introspection helps to increase our comfort level. It allows us to understand how we feel or what we want to be, how to act. There is no need to explore deeply what are the roots of our fear, for example, of snakes. However, understanding what stimuli cause us to feel bad emotions can help us develop effective and precise strategies to counter them.

3. Admit your fear

You are human. Living and acting as if fear doesn't exist is counterproductive. Fear does not make you weaker or less respected. It does not matter if the object of your fear is unusual or embarrassing, it is still understandable, and there are people who can support you. Your fear will not disappear just because you ignore it. Recognizing fear is the first step towards overcoming it.

4. Rationalize your fears

The fear of fire is absolutely understandable if we see a fire. However, if every time we light an electric stove, we think about a fire, then we reason illogically. You need to think about the likelihood with which any events can occur, and act accordingly. This will help get rid of unpleasant cognitive processes.

5. Watch other people deal with fear

There are quite common types of fears - for example, the fear of being fired or the fear of blood. It doesn't matter if the cause of your fear is atypical: remember that this emotion causes similar feelings in everyone. The only difference is the degree of intensity that you can control. It is very helpful to recognize that this emotion is natural and observe how other people deal with it.

6. Boost your self-esteem

Some types of fears, such as the fear of communication, are very upsetting to the people who experience them. This can negatively affect self-esteem. "I'm a loser, dumbass." "No one wants a weakling like me." Such thoughts are harmful and can provoke cognitive distortions that can significantly poison our lives.

In some cases, these beliefs can lead to deep inner discomfort and, as a result, severe psychological problems. Fear should not affect your self-esteem. Remember that we are all human and that any person can experience fears, however, we are always able to find a reasonable solution in any situation.

7. Take care of yourself

It is obvious that taking care of your physical and mental health is always beneficial. When we lead a healthy lifestyle (of course, within reasonable limits, we should not focus on sports and proper nutrition), we feel great, our efficiency and performance increase. Therefore, when we feel healthy, able to take care of ourselves, the fear of getting sick is reduced.

8. Don't avoid the object of your fear

If, out of fear of flying, we give up airplanes, or if out of fear of defeat, we lead a mediocre life, we will thereby put up barriers for ourselves. Perhaps even the very thought of having to face the object of your fear causes you extreme anxiety. It's possible that avoiding scary situations may help for a while, but in the long run it will only feed your fears. You have to face your fears.

9. Try relaxation techniques

When we are paralyzed by fear that makes us want to run away or hide, we can use various techniques to stay calm, such as breathing. You can also start counting in your head - until you calm down. In this way, you can reduce the symptoms of fear and distract from negative thoughts.

10. Challenge yourself a little.

Conquering fear takes time and constant effort on your part. Try to visualize what you fear first. For example, if you are afraid to play sports, imagine yourself playing with a ball. Visualizing yourself successfully doing things that scare you will help you feel more confident.

It may be difficult at first, but it will get easier and easier each time. Such exercises form the basis of exposure therapy. You are gradually shown fear-provoking stimuli until you learn to manage your emotions. For example, a person with a fear of snakes might start by looking at a picture of a small snake until they feel comfortable being around a real cobra.

11. Don't face your biggest fear directly.

It's great that you've decided to overcome your fear, but don't do it too abruptly. The exposure method involves a gradual approach to a given goal under the guidance of a specialist. Independent attempts to drastically overcome your fear, for example, grabbing a tarantula with your hand, or going on stage to sing in front of an audience of thousands, can be completely counterproductive and aggravate the situation.

12. Motivate yourself

Think about how you can reward yourself for overcoming your fear. For example, if you are afraid to drive, imagine how great it would be to go on an exciting journey in your own car to an interesting place that you have long dreamed of, without depending on other people. It's hard to concentrate on that positive thought the moment you get behind the wheel. However, if we think not about accidents, but about a pleasant vacation, we will be distracted from negative thoughts.

13. Reward yourself for success

If you're afraid to ride an elevator and it's shocking to think that you might get stuck in it, come up with a reward for the day you dare to ride the elevator. For example, a package of your favorite sweets or going to the movies. It is important that you yourself recognize your success and want to move on.

14. Mark your progress

Keeping a diary of observations is very useful, especially in situations where you suddenly start to become depressed because of the fear itself or for another reason. However, if you look into your diary, read about your successes, it will help you feel a sense of pride and continue to move forward, become even more effective. The path to success is not always smooth, ups and downs are possible. However, perseverance and determination will help achieve excellent results. In addition, the very fact of keeping records will help you blow off steam and reduce anxiety.

15. Get the support of loved ones

Even if your friends or loved ones don't share your fear, they know the feeling. You will feel better if you share with them your feelings about being afraid to drive in the fog or to communicate with your boss. It is likely that your interlocutors have gone through a similar experience and can give you valuable advice. However, even just their support and participation can help you cope with any challenge.

16. Talk to people who share your fear.

Find people who are going through the same thing as you, it will help you a lot. If you feel like your fear is unusual, or if you feel shy, feel misunderstood, or find it difficult to discuss it with someone, try talking to someone in the same situation (in person or even online). This will help you open up, share experiences, learn something useful for yourself that did not occur to you yourself.

17. Don't be afraid of criticism

Often, no matter what fear we seek to overcome - cycling, falling or speaking English, our steps to overcome these fears can be criticized when we make mistakes or do not succeed.

We all stumble sometimes. Most likely, others do not think about us as often as we think. And when someone criticizes us, you should not pay attention to negative comments - we lose much more by giving up our attempts.

18. Take advantage of new technologies

Scientific and technological advances offer us tremendous opportunities to overcome fear. There are already virtual reality-based therapies that allow people to face their fears in complete safety. In addition, there are simpler ways - for example, various mobile applications developed for a similar purpose.

In particular, special programs have been created for people suffering from aerophobia (fear of flying). These apps provide flight safety data and offer a variety of anxiety-reducing exercises. Programs have also been developed for children to get rid of the fear of the dark with the help of various games and others, for example, helping to overcome the fear of speaking in front of an audience.

19. Filter sources of information

There is a huge amount of information on the Internet that can exacerbate our fears. For example, if you are afraid of illness or terrorist attacks, try not to read this news. The flow of redundant information can make it difficult for us to fight our fears and sometimes even force us to make the wrong decisions.

20. Seek professional help if necessary

Success in the fight against fear is not always entirely dependent on ourselves. If you suffer from a phobia that prevents you from leading a normal life, it is recommended to consult an experienced specialist.

One way to overcome shyness and fear of talking to people is to go out in public. Memorize a short poem (write it down on paper, save it as a note on your smartphone if you're really scared) and read it.

First do it in front of friends and family, then try going out in front of strangers. Read expressively without lowering your head. So that you can be heard. Take a friend with you to be your support group.

You will notice that many people will smile and some will stop to listen. The rest will simply not pay attention to you - so is it worth worrying about?

If the fear is that others notice all the minor flaws, it is unjustified. You notice much more in yourself than others.

Try on a different look

Do you have a favorite character from a movie or book who has no problem communicating with people? Reincarnate in it for one day. Become an actor and get out of your role.

It's difficult, but imagine that you just have to play this role. To make it easier, think like this: "Even if someone thinks something bad, it will not apply to me, but to my image."

Approach strangers with a request or question

Go to the mall or other crowded place and set yourself the task of approaching 20 people three minutes apart and asking, for example, what time it is. A simple question that anyone can answer.

You can try something more complex next time. For example, ask for help fastening a chain around your neck or you for a friend who lives in another country. You will be surprised how many people will be happy to help you.

But don't forget that you don't need an extra dose of stress. If you can't approach the person for more than a few minutes, switch to something else, but don't give up.

Walk a little and return to the exercise. With each new person, it will become easier for you to fulfill it.

Attend a crowded event

Go to a concert of a musical artist (it is desirable that the artist is of interest to you). Dance, treat your idol's fans with drinks and make new friends. It is much easier if there is already a topic for conversation and common interests.

Greet strangers

Say good morning when you go for coffee before work. Find out how the day went at the cashier of your store if you went to buy groceries in the evening.

If there are no problems with this, try to say hello to one of the passers-by. Most likely, you will be answered with a greeting in return: what if you misunderstood? And for you, this is a small step on the way to overcoming.

Do something that you think is absurd

If you're afraid of looking stupid because you'll say or do the wrong thing, try doing it on purpose.

From the simplest - put on different socks. And let everyone see it. Saying or doing something deliberately stupid is already more difficult consciously. Decide what seems awkward to you, choose the right place and time, and do it. Just remember that everything must be within the law.

Meet yourself

Set a goal: to meet five people per evening. Go to a bar, go to an exhibition or a museum and strike up a conversation with someone.

You can prepare a conversation plan in advance. If this is an exhibition, the task becomes even easier: share your impressions and find out what the other person thinks.

Again, you don't need an extra one. If you usually feel uncomfortable interrupting a conversation (even though you want to), set a time limit. Let it be five minutes, after which you firmly but politely say to the interlocutor: “It was nice to meet you, but I have to go. Thank you for your time".

Think about the development of events

You have already imagined the most pleasant thing that happened to you. Now we need to think about the opposite.

Recall the most stressful and difficult situation in your life related to communication. For example, an unsuccessful public speaking. Now imagine what you would do to save the situation if you went back in time.

This exercise will help you prepare for the upcoming important event. Think of different options: what could go wrong, what difficulties await. Remember everything you did before to take into account the mistakes and not make them in the future.

Give compliments

Say nice things to people. If you see someone wearing a nice sweater, compliment them and ask, for example, where you can buy one. The person will be pleased, and you will understand that it is not so difficult to start a conversation.

If your colleague has a new haircut, let them know you've noticed. Compliment the master if you really liked it, but don't overdo it. Crude flattery is always obvious, so be sincere.

Rehearse in front of a mirror

Stand in front of a mirror and rehearse the upcoming dialogue. It is also important to watch body language. Smile, be yourself and watch what you do.

Practice daily several times until you see confidence in your actions. For an example, look at the speeches of public people: how they speak, gesticulate and behave in general.

Being afraid is okay. However, you can overcome fear if you want to. In difficult situations, it is always better to turn to a psychologist, but if you are sure that you can handle it yourself, try it and aim for success. Everything will work out.